


A Little Piece Of Happiness

by orphan_account



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Military, Pen Pals, Sexting, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:07:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ian signs up to be a soldiers pen-pal and it ends up being the love of his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic doesn't follow canon, obviously, so some things have been altered. 
> 
> Beta'd by Aleida, and myself. 
> 
>  
> 
> **
> 
> Please note that this work contains military deaths so if you are triggered by that, please proceed with caution.
> 
> Also, Im pretty clueless about the weather in Chicago. Forgive me if Im wrong.

“I just don’t get why you’d want to talk to some old army guy that you don’t even know.”  
  
Ian rolled his eyes at Lip for what seemed to be the twentieth time during the last hour. “I already told you. A lot of soldiers don’t have any family or people that care about whether or not they're alive or dead, I’m sure it’ll be nice for them to have someone to talk to, even if we don’t know each other.” He lifted off his shirt and tossed it aside the bedroom he shared with Lip, Carl, and Liam — when there’s four brothers living in one bedroom, things tend to get messy. “Besides, it’s the least I can do for my country after not being able to join in anymore. I’m doing good, I know, just.. let me have this, okay? There's really no reason for you to try and understand, it’s not like the guy’s gonna come back home and wanna meet up or anything.”  
  
Lip disagreed. Deployments last a long time and for Ian to sit and talk to someone for that long, getting to know them and sharing stories about their day, things could get a bit messy; whether it’s from Ian’s side or not. “He could be gay. What if you fall for him and have to end up waiting for him to come back home? He could live across the country, Ian. Or, worse, what if he isn't gay and you fall for him anyways? You really gonna put your feelings aside and continue to talk to someone you like just so they wont be lonely?”  
  
“It could be a girl, Lip. You're overreacting. I already sent in my information so it doesn’t matter. I'll be fine, I’m a big boy, I can handle myself.” Ian slipped on his work shirt and nearly tripped over a mountain of dirty clothes to get to his shoes. “Jesus, fuck, Carl! Stop leaving your clothes all over the floor!”  
  
“You do it too!” Carl shouted up from the living room, probably smirking to himself. The little shit was always using that as an excuse.  
  
Ian shook his head and saw Lip trying hard not to smile, “I’m just saying, it could be a waste of time, but you're right. Nothing I can do now. When are you leaving?”  
  
“In just a second. Fiona had an earlier shift than I did so I gotta take the el. You still going to see Karen?”  
  
“Nah, she’s being a bitch over me not wanting stick around for dinner with her mom. Sheila’s nice and all, shes’ just….”  
  
“A bit much?” Ian grinned, laughing at Lip’s nod.  
  
Working at Patsy’s Pies has made Ian feel a bit more normal. After everything that happened last year with his bipolar diagnosis and breaking up with his ex boyfriend after being cheated on, Ian was feeling good. He had a good job, which meant a steady paycheck, finally got his medication straightened out, and was starting to feel like his old self again. You know, before he went off the rails and did a bunch of shit like sleeping with everyone he could, getting violent with anyone who dared to disagree with anything he said, and staying in bed for days at a time. Back when it was happening, Ian didn’t feel any different. It all just felt normal to him, like he wasn't doing anything wrong and was acting like his usual self. Looking back on it now, Ian could see what everyone was talking about.  
  
It wasn't the easiest thing to accept, but the icing on the cake would probably be when his boyfriend Caleb cheated on him because Ian wouldn’t take his medication. Said something about it being ‘too hard’ to deal with and just didn’t want to break up with him until he was feeling better. Needless to say, that made Ian feel like he was even more alone than normal, but after dumping the asshole, Ian decided to give the medication a try — not that the insistent nagging of his siblings didn’t help sway the direction of his decision.  
  
Things had gotten better slowly after that, though. The only part that Ian hated was everyone asking him if he had taken his medicine or not. That, or the fact that everyone blamed every small change in emotion on his disease instead of just believing it could be his actual emotions. Once Ian had shown he was aware of the fact that he needed the pills everyday, they stopped asking (but Ian knows they still check to make sure he has). They've also stopped with blaming his bipolar for every feeling he has. So, yeah, things were definitely looking up.  
  
After leaving the house and riding the el to work, Ian walked down the street towards the diner with his headphones in and a beanie hiding his ears from the chipper air of early October. Living in Chicago, Ian was lucky it wasn’t snowing already.  
  
Bells rang as Ian pushed through the door, smiling at a customer as she was leaving with whom Ian presumes is her daughter, and made his way towards the back of the building.  
  
“Ian! Get clocked in, were slammed and need all the help we can get!” Fiona half yelled back to him then came around the corner as she tightened her ponytail and smiled, “Guess the new menu items are really bringing people in.”  
  
Ian tied on his apron and grabbed a dish bucket, shaking his head as he laughed. “Yeah, it’s definitely that and not all the girls you have working here in mini shorts.”  
  
Fiona furrowed her eyebrows and looked out at the customers, seeing it all basically men, with the exception of a few women, then looked over at the waitresses outfits. “Shit.” Her face fell, “How did I not notice this? Horny asses are the ones giving me all this business.” Ian grinned and strolled past her, making his way to the first empty table and picking up the used utensils and dishes.  
  
Being a busboy wasn't the best job, but he did have a guaranteed paycheck  every two weeks since Fiona was manager and wouldn’t ever fire him. It wasn't something he wanted to do forever, of course not, just something to do momentarily until he found another job. Being a high school drop out without a GED didn’t exactly give you many job opportunities.  
  
The workday went on like usual, fussy customers and pruny hands from the washing of dishes, then having to repeat it fifteen more times. When nine rolled around, Ian was more than happy to leave. Fiona gave him a ride in their new(ish) car back to the Gallagher house, discussing the new opportunity Ian had signed up for that day.  
  
“I think that’s pretty great, Ian. You’d have a lot in common with these guys, think you could really make their deployment a bit easier. Can't imagine being over there and having nobody back home thinking about you.”  
  
See, Ian knew Fiona would understand. She had always been there and tried her best to be completely understanding of everything they went through or did. Even as kids, Fiona was the one Ian looked to for inspiration to keep going. Like the time in third grade when Ian tried out for the spelling bee and didn’t get through. Fiona convinced him to study as much as he could and try again the next year, which ultimately led to Ian winning his fourth grade spelling bee.  
  
Lip was the same, just was a bit more hard headed than Fiona. He liked to argue and make points that nobody even cared about, especially about Ian’s pen-pal program. He didn’t wanna hear it.  
  
“Yeah? I really hope it’s someone younger, and a guy, but I'll be fine with whoever. Just wanna make a difference in a soldier’s life.”  
  
Fiona smiled wide at her younger brother, feeling her heart swell with pride. Ian had always been the most caring person she’s ever known, and the most patriotic too — even for a country that was split on the fact that Ian should be allowed to have a husband.  
  
“I’m sure whoever you get will be glad to have you as their pen-friend.”  
  
“Pen-pal.” Ian corrected.  
  
“Pen-pal, whatever, same thing.”  
  
  
A few weeks passed by and Ian hadn’t heard back from the army pen-pal agency.  
  
He had taken up his time with work as usual, helping Debbie with the daycare she opened back up, and going out a few times to Boystown. The occasional hook up was alright with Ian, he just preferred to keep it _very_ occasional so he doesn’t have a repeat of before when he would sleep with guy after guy after guy without any protection. Thankfully, Ian had gotten lucky with his health for once and didn’t get anything from those men.  
  
With a condom in his pocket, Ian walked into the giant neon color lit club and made his way to the bar, “What’ll it be?” The bartender asked, leaning across the counter and looking Ian up and down.  
  
“Just water, actually.” Ian exclaimed over the loud music, turning his head to look around at the dance floor. It was Halloween night and usually he would be at home with his family, having a party after letting Liam go trick or treating, but this time Ian wanted to be on his own.  
  
Not for any reason other than being incredibly turned on, though.  
  
Some of the dancers had on costumes, but the one that really stuck out was the man wearing bunny ears and a tail on the back of his shorts while heart stick ons covered up his nipples.  
  
“He's gorgeous, isn’t he?” The bartender smirked at Ian’s blatant staring, placing the water between them. “Name’s Jeremiah, hasn’t been with us long. He never leaves with anyone, you should know. Though, from what I can tell,” Ian looks over at the bartender, “He’s checking you out, too. Course it could always be me he’s looking at, but you're much prettier.”  
  
Ian turned back to the stage, lifting the water up to his lips, and allowed brown eyes to meet his own green.  
  
Yeah, Ian was definitely thirsty, and for something other than the water in his hand.  
  
  
Turns out, Jeremiah really didn’t leave with anyone. But, he and Ian did fool around in the bathroom on the dancer’s break. A mouth on his dick really did make for the best Halloween he could ask for, even if alcohol wasn't involved.  
  
Though, waking up the next day without a hangover or a tummy ache from too much candy, Ian felt his Halloween might've been too casual. He was fucking eighteen, he should've been hungover like Lip and Fiona were.  
  
Guess that's what he sacrifices for having a sane mind. Cant mix alcohol and his Lithium, or it'll turn his blood into alcohol itself.  
  
“Morning.” Ian mumbled, going downstairs to see Kev and V cooking.  
  
“Fiona’s not feeling too hot so she asked me to come make Liam some breakfast. You okay? You drink last night?” Veronica questions, flipping over a pancake then placing it onto a plate stacked with them.  
  
“Nah,” Ian shook his head, grabbing one and taking a bite of it, “Went down to Boystown and drank water like a fucking loser, but my night did end on a happy note, so I guess the no alcohol thing isn’t so bad.”  
  
“Boystown? Someone get his dick wet?” Kev smirked, waving a pancake in front of his own face and stuck his tongue out to lick over it.  
  
“Please can we not talk about my brother getting his dick wet? It’s too early for this shit.” Fiona groaned, walking into the kitchen from up the stairs with the actual definition of bedhead. The dark strands stood every which way and there was make up smeared under her eyes, lipstick smudged over her lips. Overall, the look of a cliché hangover.  
  
“Damn, Fi. You weren't kidding about being hungover. What'd you drink after I left last night?” She gave Fiona a look and shoved a plate of syrupy pancakes at her.  
  
Fiona nearly gagged at the smell, but sat down at the table anyways, “Just that shit Kev left here.”  
  
Kev dropped his pancake onto the floor in the middle of taking a bite, “You drank that entire bottle of one fifty one? How the fuck are you alive right now?”  
  
Ian snorted as Liam came running down into the kitchen, giggling and making grabby hands at Veronica for his food. “Oh, Liam, please be quiet.” Fiona begged, holding both sides of her head to keep the room from spinning. “Think I might be drunk still, actually.”  
  
Veronica sat Liam down at the table with his food, reminding him to keep quiet then went over to the washer and dryer. “Forgot I checked your mail for you before I came over here.” She handed it to Ian as Kev made them both a plate themselves. “Got something from the army, Ian. You thinking about going in still? Thought they didn't take people with mental disorders?”  
  
Ian quickly looked through each piece of mail, desperately wanting to see if it was any information on his pen-pal program — and it was.  
  
“No, I’m not signing up. I did this soldier pen-pal thing and I think this is my information packet that’ll tell me who I get to talk to.” He ripped open the envelope and pulled out the papers.  
  
After successfully passing a background check, Ian was accepted into the pen-pal program and was assigned to a partner, “Mickey Milkovich.” Ian mumbled out, smiling a bit to himself.  
  
“Milkovich? Ain't that the kid that used to live a few blocks over?” Kev lifted an eyebrow, “Didn’t know he joined the military. Thought he was just in prison this whole time.”  
  
“Who?” Ian looked over, “He lives here?”  
  
“Yeah, you remember him, right? Always fucking shit up.” Veronica shook her head, “Dirtiest white boy I ever seen, I'll tell you that.”  
  
Ian didn’t recall ever hearing about anyone named Mickey Milkovich, but he was kinda glad the guy lived so close. Maybe the army did that on purpose so they could meet when Mickey got back.  
  
“I’m gonna go message him, thanks for the pancakes, V.” Ian hopped up from the table and went up to his bedroom, grabbing the laptop from the dresser and opening up his instant messaging.  
  
_To: mickeymilkovich55@yahoo.com_  
  
_Hi, turns out were pen-pals. And that you live a few blocks from me here. I don’t know if you were told any specifics, but my name’s Ian Gallagher_.  
  
Ian hit send and changed Mickey’s display name to ‘Mickey’ before typing up another message,  
  
_To: Mickey  
_  
_Oh, and I’m 18. Just thought you might want to know_  
  
The message went unread for a few more minutes, but just as Ian was about to shut the laptop, a green checkmark popped up next to his messages and ‘Mickey is typing…’ showed.  
  
Ian grinned to himself and adjusted his body on the bed so his back was up against the side wall and he was covered up with his blankets.  
  
_**From: Mickey  
  
Oh gallagher, huh? U Lip’s shithead brother?**_  
  
So, Mickey definitely knew who he was.  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Yeah, that’s me. He's the asshole, not me, man. How do you know me, but I don’t know you?_  
  
From: Mickey  
  
Left the Southside for basic training when I turned 18. Never been back  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Went to school with lip  
  
From: Mickey  
  
Guess u never paid attention huh?_**  
  
That’s what Ian had planned on doing. He wanted to get the hell out of the Southside and never look back, but things changed. Shit got in the way of that.  
_  
To: Mickey  
  
Yeah I guess not. Too bad I didn’t join the army, too. We would've been there together_  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
A gallagher wanted to be in the military?_**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Yeah, was the only thing I wanted. Stuff happened tho_  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Sucks  
  
From: Mickey  
  
Cant believe ur my pen-pal, small world_**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
You not have anyone that talks to you here?_  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
My brothers and sister sometimes, but its rare_**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Oh. Well now you have me? I’m great at conversations _  
  
_**From: Mickey  
  
Bet u are. Gallaghers always have run their mouths**_  
  
Ian laughed out loud at that, seeing Mickey’s point. Seemed that no matter how hard they tried, his family always managed to cause trouble with their mouths. Whether it’s telling someone to fuck off, or simply sucking the wrong person’s dick. Shit was always stirred.  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Yeah, yeah. How are you doing over there?_  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Eh, it’s not bad. Thought it would be worse  
  
From: Mickey  
  
Haven’t died, so that’s good_**  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
And I get a bonus for being deployed  
  
From: Mickey  
  
But I gotta run, ill message u later gallagher_**  
  
Ian sent back a thumbs up and closed the laptop. Maybe he should download the messenger app onto his phone. It would make things a lot simpler for the two of them if he didn’t have to constantly check the laptop for a message. Hell, he didn’t even know where Mickey was deployed to, who knows what was going on over there or what times he would be able to get on to talk.  
  
Better download it. Just to make sure he doesn't miss a message.  
  
  
Over the next week, Ian and Mickey had talked as much as possible. He learned that Mickey’s sister had moved away when he left for the army and that his brothers were doing who the fuck knows what. His father, on the other hand, was a piece of shit. Ian didn’t hear much about him other than that fact, but Mickey did tell him about the time his dad kicked his ass for not selling enough drugs to keep the lights on.  
  
Turns out they had a lot in common, too. They both felt trapped in their own skin, for example. Mickey wouldn’t give any details, but when Ian said it, Mickey just put ‘Me too’ then began talking about how much he missed his bed.  
  
“You hear from Mickey yet?” Debbie asked as they walked around the grocery store, gathering up things for the daycare that week.  
  
“Yeah, he’s got some paperwork right now so he said he's gonna message me after. He’s pretty cool, Debs. Like… really cool. I’m glad I did the application.”  
  
Debbie raised an eyebrow and glanced over from looking at jars of peanut butter, “Well, I believe that. You seem pretty happy when you talk.”  
  
“Yeah, Mickey’s fun to talk to. He's definitely Southside, too. Feels good knowing someone from here got out and is serving, you know? Makes me feel like it was possible for me too.”  
  
Debbie sighed, “Ian, it was always possible for you. You just.. got sick. It’s not your fault. Besides, when Mickey gets back, I’m sure he’ll share all the gory details with you and you’ll feel like you were actually there.”  
  
Ian watched her put a jar of peanut butter into the cart and as they made their way down the list of items they needed, and items they had coupons for, he felt a little better. Debbie was right. He may not get to actually be in the army, but Mickey was. Ian can always just live out his dream through him.  
  
“Okay, all we need is the eggs and the milk then we’ll be done. Fiona wanted me to pick some up while we were here. Do you think the kids will like those snacks I got them? They were new and on sale so I figured they were better than the normal off brand ones. We can get them, right?” Debbie pushed the cart as Ian looked over the snacks, nodding his head.  
  
“Yeah, Debs, it’s pretty much just sugar in the shape of dinosaurs, I’m sure the kids will like them. Just don’t tell Fiona they're new. Had a few extra hours this week at work, so we’ll be fine to get the name brand snacks this time.”  
  
One of the good things Ian noticed about Mickey was that he understood things that Ian went through. Like with having to carefully plan out grocery store trips to ensure you got enough for your money and that you even had enough money to begin with. He understood about Ian's mom and dad, the pieces of garbage they were, and never judged him for it, or made him talk about it when he didn’t want to. Maybe it was because he and Mickey were cut from the same cloth. They were both a product of the Southside and understood each other the way most people wouldn’t be able to.  
  
Mickey had even commented on it during their last talk. He said it had been nice to talk to someone that got what he had been through, that knew first hand how shitty life can be. Even said he was grateful that Ian was his pen-pal, though also threatened to kick Ian’s ass when they meet in person if he ever told anyone that.  
  
Even though it had only been a week, it felt like they had known each other longer than that. They had a real connection, whether it be simply platonic, or not. But if Ian was being honest, he wasn't exactly sure if the connection actually was platonic. The entire time they've been talking, Mickey hadn’t once brought up women. Ian was pretty sure that he would considering Mickey has been there for four months already, but he hasn't said a single word.  
  
Later that night, Ian was in the middle of putting on some pants after a shower when Mickey messaged him.  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Hey u wanna skype?_**  
  
Ian grinned at his phone and glanced into the reflection of the bathroom mirror and sent a yes in reply.  
  
Not more than five minutes later were they facing each other on the computer screen.  
  
“Hey.” Ian smiled, leaning back in his bed and, thankfully, alone in the bedroom.  
  
Mickey picked up a water bottle from the side of the camera view and leaned back in his chair, “Hey, Gallagher. Figured this would be easier than typing out shit. Especially since I have some stuff to do here in my room.”  
  
“Yeah, probably easier. I don’t mind. How was your day? You don’t look too exhausted so I assume it wasn’t very busy today.”  
  
Mickey chuckled and took a drink, “Nah, wasn’t too bad today. Mostly did paperwork like I said earlier. Had a shit ton to fill out. Mostly medic stuff I had to take care of. One of our guys fuckin’ tripped over a big ass rock and gave himself a black eye. Paperwork for that whole mess was some of what I had to do today.”  
  
Ian laughed along with Mickey, finding himself smiling bigger at the fact that Mickey looked absolutely ravishing when he smiled. It was the first time he had actually seen Mickey smile. He was sent a goofy selfie earlier in the week of Mickey sitting on the toilet with the caption ‘Never eat unknown food’.  
  
But, to actually see him… Ian knew he was in trouble.  
  
“What about you? Your sister still keeping you busy at work?”  
  
“Was actually off today, but of course she is. The diners been picking up business lately.” Just then, Ian had an idea. Maybe before he gets too caught up in how Mickey looks, he should dig a bit. See if he can tell if Mickey is into guys. “Her waitresses got new uniforms and guys like to come and pay them a visit.”  
  
Mickey nodded a bit and eyed Ian for a minute or two before awkwardly moving around in his chair, “Must like working there then, huh? Got all those girls to look at… or the guys. I don’t judge.”  
  
For being Southside, Ian was pleasantly surprised by how nonchalant Mickey was being about suggesting Ian could be something other than straight.  
  
Taking a chance, Ian pursed his lips, “Guys that go there aren’t really my type.”  
  
Mickey didn’t even flinch.  
  
“Yeah? What’s your type, then?”  
  
“Well, not straight, for one.” Ian laughed, noticing that Mickey was trying not to smile. “Dunno what my type is, actually, or if I even have one. Just know that those guys are definitely not for me. Probably cause they ogle over my coworkers.”  
  
Mickey moved away from the screen and came back with a bag of chips, “Yeah, they wouldn’t be my type either. Prefer my men to be something other than straight, too.”  
  
So. Definitely gay. Or at least bisexual.  
  
“Ah, men, huh? So you wouldn’t ogle over them either?”  
  
Mickey laughed with a mouth full of chips, “Gallagher, if you're trying to ask me if I’m bisexual or something, the answer’s no. Not into the whole.. chick thing.  
  
Something happened just then. Mickey’s laughter died down and their eyes met for just a few seconds, but in those few seconds, they said a whole lot without acting saying anything at all.  
  
_I’m attracted to you.  
  
Thank God you're into dudes._  
  
“I thought you had work to do?” Ian asked suddenly, breaking the moment they were sharing.  
  
Mickey dug into the bag and pulled out a handful of Cheese Doritos, “What do you think I’m doing? These vultures over here will eat all my Doritos, I’m doing work by eating them all by myself.”  
  
Ian rolled his eyes fondly, he really should’ve known that’s what Mickey meant by work.  
  
  
When they hung up on Skype, Mickey sat back in his chair and stared at the computer screen. It was pretty early for him so it must've been really late for Ian. Made Mickey feel good though. Knowing someone willingly stayed up late just to Skype him. Nobody had ever done that for him before, not even Mandy.  
  
Sure, they Skyped some, but it was normally late for Mickey and early for her. She lived in New York now so it was before her classes started that she would call him up and chat until she had to leave. He didn’t mind, though. He knew she had her own life and that she didn’t mean anything by it. If anything, he was just glad she was out of Chicago and attending fashion design school.  
  
“Yo, Milkovich!” One of the guys called out to him, walking over into his room in the barracks.  
  
“Yeah?” Mickey called back, shoving the bag of Doritos into his desk drawer and shutting the laptop, turning around in his chair.  
  
“My wife sent me some shit, you need anything? She packed extra in case anyone was out of something. There's deodorant and shampoo and shit like that.” Carter, a brown haired middle aged man asked him, leaning against the doorway.  
  
“Oh, yeah, I’ll be right there.” Mickey nodded. He waited until Carter left to pull out his phone and message Ian even though he knew Ian was probably sleeping. The boy had looked fucking exhausted at the end of their Skype call so Mickey just made up that he had to go so Ian could go to bed.  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
Do u like doritos?_**  
  
  
  
  
A few days before Thanksgiving, Monica came back. Ian was in the kitchen making a list of stuff to get from the store with Carl when she and Frank came swinging in through the backdoor.  
  
“My children! Look who has come back to finally teach your ungrateful asses about manners and family.” Frank twirled Monica around and kissed her harshly after, causing both Ian and Carl to gag and groan.  
  
“The fuck do you guys want?” Ian was usually not that hostile to his mother, but he was so tired of her leaving and coming back. He had chosen to take his medication and she could very well do the same thing, but she wasn’t. And Ian hated her for it.  
  
“That’s no way to talk to your mother, you selfish little p-“ Frank was cut off by Monica shoving him,  
  
“Don’t talk to him like that! He’s your son, Frank!”  
  
“Well, actually-“ Ian began, but was hit in the side by Carl’s elbow.  
  
“You’ll only make it worse. Ignore them.”  
  
Sometimes Ian wondered how Carl went from being someone that microwaved their pet fish to being this… whole other person. Sure, he was still a shithead and completely ridiculous, but he's grown up a bit. He works at the Kash and Grab like Ian used to and actually tries in school now. After his little stint in juvie, Carl has really cleaned up his act.  
  
Lip and Liam came down into the kitchen just then and both visibly became annoyed at the presence of Frank and Monica. Poor little Liam barely knew them and he was already done with their bullshit. Made Ian sad for him, but at least Liam wouldn’t have to have a childhood like he did.  
  
“My sugar bear!” Monica grinned happily at Liam, only to be walked away from. Liam was now watching cartoons on the couch, completely ignoring Monica.  
  
“See! Do you see what these heathens do, Moni? They're even turning Liam against us!” Frank cried out, appalled at how Liam walked away from his mother.  
  
“Oh, give it up, Frank.” Ian snapped, pulling his phone from his pocket and checking his messages. Nothing from Mickey. He hadn’t heard anything since the day before and he was getting worried. After their first Skype call, they’d been video chatting more and have actually been more flirty with one another. Ian was positive he was crushing on Mickey and that it was reciprocated. There's no way it wasn’t. Their last Skype session was over the weekend after Ian had woken up and Mickey went so far as to tell him that he looked nice in the mornings. That his ‘sleepy’ look was cute.  
  
“Don’t tell me what to do in my house. All of you treat me like I’m gum under your shoe when I gave birth to you!” Ian looked up from his phone at Frank like everyone else was, only to have him scoff. “You all know what I meant!”  
  
He and Monica went back outside, probably to go buy drugs, but nobody actually cares enough to ask.  
  
“You waiting to hear from Mickey?” Lip asked, grabbing a beer from the fridge.  
  
“Yeah, haven’t heard from him since like… yesterday afternoon. And it’s,” Ian looks down at his phone again, “Nearly four.”  
  
Lip could tell Ian was worried and instead of telling him this whole thing had been a bad idea, he shrugs, “Could just be really busy, man. Never know.”  
  
“I know, I’m just.. I like him.” Ian confesses, pocketing his phone once more.  
  
“I'll pretend to be surprised.” Lip smirks, leaning against the counter, Carl looking up and scrunching his face.  
  
“You like Mickey? I heard about him in juvie, he’s kind of badass, Ian.”  
  
Ian smiled a bit and cocked his head to the side, “Maybe I like badass.”  
  
“Are you gonna date when he comes home?”  
  
Ian blushed and chewed on his bottom lip. Truthfully, he didn’t know. They hadn’t talked about anything even remotely like that whatsoever. But Ian liked to think they would.  
  
Instead of getting an answer, Carl watches Ian walk out of the kitchen.  
  
“What if something happened to Mickey?”  
  
Lip just stared at Carl. Ian really did seem to be in deep with this guy already. They talked as much as possible and Lip doesn’t think he’s ever seen Ian this happy. Especially since his diagnosis. What if something did happen to Mickey? He wasn’t sure if Ian would be able to take it.  
  
“I don’t know.”

  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Hey sorry ian, was on a mission ever since we last talked. Ur thirty messages were cute tho, but yeah im fine  
  
From: Mickey  
  
Missed u_**  
  
Ian doesn’t think he’s ever been so relieved in his life. All of these terrible scenarios were running through his head and images of Mickey laying dead somewhere had began to flash in his mind that night. God he was so desperate to hear from Mickey that Ian’s phone dinging actually woke him up in the middle of then night for the first time. He wasn’t even able to really sleep anyways.  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Jesus I’m glad you're okay. Was worried about you. I missed you too, Mickey _  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Why are you awake???_**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Couldn't really sleep that great, thought something happened to you. Your message woke me up_  
  
Mickey smiled down at his laptop, feeling a bunch of crazy fluttering inside. Ian Gallagher was the first person to ever cause any feeling like that inside of him. Mickey was going crazy because of it. He couldn’t wait to go home and see Ian.  
  
To kiss Ian.  
  
To hug him.  
  
To feel him. To hear his laugh in person. To fall asleep with. To wake up with.  
  
Mickey was fucking far gone for Ian and there was no coming back.  
  
The thought of being with Ian made the hairs on Mickey’s neck stand up. He wondered how soft Ian’s skin was. What about his lips? Mickey bets they're just as soft.  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
I wanna kiss you_**  
  
It was risky, but Mickey was absolutely certain Ian liked him back. This was one chance that Mickey was willing to take.  
  
_From: Ian  
  
Me too. More than kiss you  
  
From: Ian  
  
Wish you were here_  
  
Mickey bit his lip and looked around his room, seeing the door was locked. Perfect.  
**_  
To: Ian  
  
Yeah? What would u do? _**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
First I’d kiss you. Hard. Bet you taste good. Would you want me to kiss you anywhere else? _  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
Everywhere_**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
Good. I wanna taste you, Mickey. First thing we’re gonna do when you come back. I wanna kiss you first. On the lips. Nice and slow at first, then gonna go harder and slip my hand up your shirt. You seem like the type to like your nipples played with_  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
I do, want you so bad Ian  
  
To: Ian  
  
Wanna feel you inside me_**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
Bottom, huh? Good thing I’m a top. I’d fuck you so hard, Mickey. You’d be screaming my name and begging me to let you come. Gonna make you feel so good with this _  
  
_[photo attached]_  
  
Fuck. Mickey opened the attachment and immediately stuck his hand down his pants. Ian’s cock was so long and hard and Mickey was desperate to be fucked by it. He shoved his pants off and tugged at his own cock a few times, eyes glued on Ian’s picture.  
  
“F-Fuck.” He mumbled out, biting on his lip as he opened his camera and snapped a picture of his hand wrapped cock.  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
Fuck, got me so hard gallagher  
  
[photo attached] _**  
  
Mickey then opened up his camera once more and took a video this time. He squirted some lotion onto his hand from the bedside table and slowly slicked up his cock with his hand, capturing it all on his camera.  
  
“Want to fuck you so bad, Ian. Fuck.” Mickey whispered out, just loud enough for the camera to pick up. His hand stoked up and down his cock, twisting and pulling on it as he imagined it was Ian’s hand instead.  
  
Sending the video to Ian, Mickey typed out a text message right after.  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
See how hot u make me? Need your cock up my ass now, bet u can make me come without touching me_**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
Fuck, Mickey. You’re so thick, wanna suck you off and shove my cock inside you right after. Send me a video of you fingering yourself_  
  
Mickey smirked and moved to in front of the mirror on the closet door, turning around so his bare ass faced the mirror. His fingers were still slicked up with lotion as placed the phone up against the closet, recording the view of his ass as Mickey reached back and teased his own hole, feeling himself clench and unclench. He allowed his finger to slip inside just barely, making sure to put on a show for Ian.  
  
“Fuck, Ian. Want this to be your cock so bad.” Mickey groaned out, slipping in his finger more slowly, rolling his hips onto it. A second one slowly entered his hole, making Mickey bite onto his lip to suppress a moan.  
  
“You like that? Wanna fuck my tight hole?”  
  
Mickey ended the video and sent it to Ian without anything else. He didn’t figure it needed words.  
  
What Ian sent back moments later made Mickey’s cock ache. He pressed play on the attachment, seeing Ian laying on a bed with his legs spread, tugging on his cock. “Wish it was you I was fucking instead of my hand. You look so fucking tight Mickey, bet you feel so good. So warm and tight for me. Fucking you so hard and good, you wont be able to walk for days.” Ian’s cock was leaking in the video and the sight of that along with Ian’s panting was enough to make Mickey come close to his orgasm. He quickly snapped another video of him jerking his cock, only this time it ended with him coming all over his hand and his stomach.  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
So fuckin hot ian  
  
[Attachment] _**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
I was gonna send you a video like that back, but I fucking came while watching it_  
  
**_To: Ian  
  
Don’t worry about it ian, you got me to come harder than I ever have just by sending me shit like that_**  
  
_From: Ian  
  
Yeah? Just you wait_  
  
  
  
The next morning, Ian woke up late for work since he was up all night fucking around with Mickey. It was only twenty minutes late, but Fiona was furious.  
  
“Really, Ian? You know how busy we've been lately. I had to do everything of my own and clean your tables.”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry. Wont happen again. Accidentally overslept.”  
  
She paused and looked at him a bit funnily, “You okay?”  
  
Ian gave her an annoyed look and took his dish bucket to go clean off tables immediately.  
  
“Hey, Ian?” One of the waitresses, Sierra, called out to him and walked over with her notepad in hand, “Do you know if Lip is seeing anyone?”  
  
“Umm, I actually have no fucking idea.” Ian laughed, picking up three plates from a booth. “You could ask him out anyway, if you wanted. I mean, there's a girl named Karen, but they're kinda… not exactly a thing, but not just friends either? I really don’t know.”  
  
She chuckled and nodded, looking a bit disappointed. “Right, no, of course there's a girl, I was just checking. They're not dating, though?”  
  
“As far as I know, absolutely not.”  
  
Sierra grinned and thanked him before walking back to take more orders. Ian will never understand why so many girls chase after Lip.  
  
“What was that about?” Fiona asked as Ian emptied the bucket of dishes into the deep sink full of warm, soapy water.  
  
“She just wanted to know if Lip was seeing anyone. Should I have said yes? Didn’t even think to ask if you wanted any employees dating family.”  
  
Fiona eyed Sierra then looked back at Ian, shaking her head and wiping her hands on her apron, “No, no that’s fine.”  
  
As soon as Fiona left, Ian felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Mickey had sent him a selfie of him in his uniform outside with some guys on his team, the dusk sky not too dark, but dark enough to make Mickey’s blue eyes pop out in the picture.  
  
Ian snapped one of him with the customers in clear view, showing off he was at work with a pouty face, ‘would rather be with u’ he captioned it and sent it.  
  
  
  
“Hey.” Mickey grinned as Ian came into view over Skype, “You look good. How was work?”  
  
“Yeah, very funny. It was busy as hell, I’m all sweaty.” He says, taking off his top, replacing it with a long sleeve, and flopping onto the bed with the laptop. “When you come back, you can come eat at the diner. Food’s actually not bad.”  
  
“You’ve told me this before, and I’m telling you right now, the first thing I’m gonna be eating is a steak so rare it’s gonna scream when I bite into it.” He laughed, making Ian lift up his head from his pillow.  
  
“Well, I’ll take you to Sizzler's… on a date. You can get the noisiest steak they have.” Ian smiled fondly at Mickey through the camera, wanting to be able to just reach out and touch him.  
  
“Sizzler’s, huh? I’m holding you to it, Gallagher.”  
  
Ian didn’t smile, or laugh.  
  
He took a deep sigh and reached out, touching the laptop screen over Mickey’s face. “I feel like I miss you when I’ve never even met you.”  
  
Mickeys eyes got softer at that, smiling a little bit in return, “Me too. I only have two months left, you know. Not that long until we can see each other.”  
  
“Promise?”  
  
Mickey nods lightly, “I promise, Ian.” 

  
It was still the beginning of December, but that didn’t mean anything for the weather. Instead of just being a bit chilly, it was flat out fucking cold as balls. Snow was everywhere and Ian was convinced he was going to lose his dick.  
  
“I’m serious, Mickey, my dicks gonna end up freezing and falling off.” He says into the phone held up to his ear as he searched around the kitchen for the pop-tarts he had just bought.  
  
“Better not let it fall off, asshole. That’s the only part of you that I’m looking forward to.”  
  
“Fuck you. You're looking forward to every part of me.” Ian grinned to himself, finally finding the cherry flavored treats. “Did you guys ever figure out how to dismantle that thing by the base?”  
  
A few days back, Mickey had told Ian that an IED was found near their base just a few miles away and that they’d have to send in a EOD team to get rid of it, however the EOD guys were a bit weary since it was so close to base. If it blew, it’d take out half their guys depending on how strong it was.  
  
“Yeah.” Mickey nodded, “EOD said they had it covered.” 

  
“I wanna get Mickey something for Christmas.” Ian said, plopping down next to Fiona on the couch.  
  
“Well, you’d have to get it now and send it like.. today for him to get it in time. You have something in mind?”  
  
“I’m not sure, but I do want it to say that I love him. We haven’t said that yet, but I do. I love him Fiona, I’ve never felt this way before — about anything or anyone.” Ian looked down at his fingers and held back a shy smile, feeling his heart burst at just the thought of Mickey.  
  
“Yeah? Does he know that you're bipolar?”  
  
“Of course he does.” Ian scoffed, looking up at her once again. “We tell each other everything. He knows everything there is to know about me. Which is why were going on a date the second he gets back. I’m taking him to Sizzler’s.”  
  
Fiona laughed at the date idea and nodded her head happily, “Well, I'm sure it’ll be fun. He’s coming back soon, bet you're excited.”  
  
A big ass, bright smile overtook Ian’s face, “I am, I can't wait to see him, Fi. You have no idea.”  
  
“Well, we should go get your boyfriend a Christmas gift if you want him to get it in time.”  
  
Just as Ian was getting up to grab a jacket, he stopped and looked over at Fiona, “I have a better idea.”  
  
  
A video tape was rolling as Ian sat on his bed facing it, pretending it was Mickey he was talking to. Everyone else left the house so he could feel free to talk about anything he wanted to without there being anyone there to listen in and, for that, Ian was grateful.  
  
“This is probably so lame, but I thought maybe this would give you something special for the last few weeks you have there. It’s like.. 7 isn’t it? I cant believe I get to see you so soon, it’s… overwhelming, but in a good way. I don't know how you feel Mickey Milkovich, but signing up for that pen-pal service was the best thing I’ve ever done. You know every part of me, every memory, every flaw, every story — you know my entire life. From the moment we met, I knew you were special. You have this weird way of making me feel like I am too and I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Mickey, but I’m so fucking thankful that you're in my life. I swear, it was fate that brought us together. I refuse to believe otherwise. Our lives were meant to come together, I was meant to meet you. I was meant to fall in love with you. I love you, Mickey. I know I do. You're the constant star in my sky, days without you just don’t make sense to me. You’ll be here soon, and when you are, I’m gonna tell you how much you mean to me every single day. But that still wouldn’t be enough. You keep my inner flame lit.”  
  
Ian took out the tape and smiled at it, putting it into the box to send to Mickey that was already stuffed full of other things. Photos of Ian, letters he has written out over these last few months, a shirt of his, and a teddy bear with red fur and green eyes.  
  
He ended up sending it express mail at the post office which set him back a good dime, but Ian felt to was worth it. Mickey deserved only the best and this gift was way more meaningful than anything he could've bought at the store.  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
I just mailed your Christmas gift. _  
  
**_From: Mickey  
  
Oh yeah? I don’t have anywhere to buy u anything really and I hate online shopping so I just made u something and sent it to ur email, but don’t open it till Christmas. Got it? _**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Got it. Boyfriend. _  
**_  
From: Mickey  
  
Boyfriend, huh? I like the sound of that_**  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
:) get some sleep. Message me when you wake up _  
  
  
  
It was around 7 am when Ian’s phone started going off. Mickey was Skyping him super early and it was pretty unusual. They normally waited for the other to message saying they were awake.  
  
He quickly answered it, thinking something was wrong.  
  
“Mickey? You okay?”  
  
Mickey smiled into the camera and nodded, “Yeah, just wanted to call and let you know I wouldn’t be back until morning here. Going out on another mission. Didn’t have a chance to tell you last time and didn’t want you to worry again.”  
  
“Oh, okay. That’s fine, thank you for letting me know. My ass would definitely worry.” Ian smiled back at Mickey, rubbing his eyes and seeing a slight flash on Mickeys end. “Are you taking screenshots of me on your laptop?”  
  
Mickey feigned innocence and shook his head, “Absolutely not.” Though the smile be wore on his face led Ian to believe differently.  
  
Ian took a screenshot back and stuck his tongue out at Mickey, “Now I have one, too.”  
  
“We’ll have lots of better pictures together when I’m back, can even frame a few if you want.”  
  
“Oh, were definitely framing a few.”  
  
Mickey turned back behind him as if someone were talking to him then turned to Ian again, “I gotta go, Ian, but I’ll message you as soon as I’m back, okay?”  
  
Ian nodded and gave Mickey a smile, “Okay. Be safe, Mickey. I'll miss you.”  
  
Mickey rolled his eyes playfully, “It’s only a few hours, you’ll live.” He pauses just for a few seconds until he scrunches up his nose, “But, I’ll miss you, too. Go back to sleep.”  
  
Kisses were blown to each other through the screens and it went dark as both laptops screens were disconnected. One boy went back to sleep, and the other on a mission.  
  
  
  
Sometimes accidents happen.  
  
Sometimes they aren’t accidents.  
  
But either way, shit happens beyond our control.  
  
After a successful raid, leading up to the capture of targeted enemy, Mickey and his team were heading back to base. The man they captured was tied up with a bag over his head as Mickey, Rebecca, Jared, Carter, Jackson, and Avery were in the humvee discussing how exhausted they were. They had left at nearly 6 the night before and it was just nearing dawn.  
  
“Gonna take my ass to bed when we get back, sergeant can deal with this asshole on this own.” Avery pointed to the man tied up. He was part of a terrorist organization that threatened the United States on more than one occasion, however he was the only member at the house they had raided.  
  
It seemed off to Mickey and he’d been staring at the hooded man ever since they left.  
  
“You alright?” Rebecca asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder, breaking him out of his staring.  
  
“What? Yeah, I just.. it’s fucking weird, right? He was the only one there. Something ain't adding up.”  
  
Just then the man started snickering under the hood, making Carter point his gun towards his face. “Hey, shut the fuck up or I’ll blow your brains all over this fuckin’ humvee, think I’m kidding?”  
  
“My brains will be all over this humvee, you say? Probably. But, so will yours.”  
  
Mickey looked back over to him and raised an eyebrow, “The fuck you-“  
  
  
Suddenly, everything went dark.  
  
  
  
It was nearly dinner time when Ian got home from the store. He had to go and pick up a few different things since Kev and V would be joining them, but also just wanted to get out of the house. He was going crazy without Mickey and just really needed to hear from him already. But, Ian was trying to relax. Mickey was out on a mission and sometimes they took longer than originally thought. He didn’t want to be annoying and blow up Mickey’s messenger if he didn’t get back yet. Or maybe he did and he was just so exhausted that he fell asleep before he could message Ian. Anything was possible.  
  
  
The next day, Ian woke up to nothing. No messages whatsoever.  
  
Which… admittedly was weird.  
  
**_To: Mickey  
  
Hey, are you okay? I miss you  
  
To: Mickey  
  
Message me as soon as you can_**  
  
  
Ian sat on his bed and stared at his phone for a few minutes before looking up to see Lip coming in the room.  
  
“Hey, something wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.”  
  
Ian just stared up at Lip, unable to form words. Something was wrong. He just knew it.  
  
  
“Ian?”  
  
“Somethings wrong with Mickey, Lip. He left yesterday morning for a mission and he hasn’t messaged me. Something happened.”  
  
Lip sat down next to him and looked at the messages Ian sent to Mickey, “Hey, I’m sure he's fine. It’s Mickey were talking about.”  
  
Ian’s phone buzzed just then, but it was just an email telling him Mickey’s package had been delivered. Two weeks sending time wasn’t that bad.  
  
“See, maybe he’s just grabbing some mail, you know? I’m sure he’ll reply when he can, don’t freak yourself out.” Lip replied after seeing the email.  
  
Ian nodded to Lip, telling that to himself as well. “Right. You're right.”  
  
  
  
Nothing the next day either.  
  
Even Lip was starting to suspect something was wrong. Ian was a mess. He wouldn’t get out of bed and wouldn’t even lay his phone down long enough for anyone to talk to him.  
  
He had been messaging Mickey like crazy.  
  
_To: Mickey  
  
Mickey??? This isn’t fucking funny ANSWER ME  
  
To: Mickey_  
  
_Mickey please just answer me. Tell me you’re at least okay  
  
To: Mickey  
  
It’s fine if you want to be break up, PLEASE just message me back I’m really worried  
  
To: Mickey  
  
Mickey  
  
To: Mickey  
  
Mickey?_  
  
  
After passing out from not having any sleep that previous night, Ian was woke by a phone call.  
  
Ian jumped without even looking at who was calling and immediately answered, “Hello? Mickey?”  
  
The line was quiet for a moment until a sniffle came through the line, “No, this is Mandy. His sister.”  
  
Lip was just sitting on his bunk staring at him, along with Carl, both fucking praying to God that it was Mickey. But judging from the blank look on Ian’s face, it wasn't.  
  
Ian’s blood ran cold.  
  
It was Mandy. Why would she be calling for any other reason?  
  
He swallowed thickly and continued to stare the wall next to him, “Mandy…. Hi.”  
  
“Ian...” Mandy sighed out, unsure how to even start the conversation. “Mickey was in an accident.” She held her tears in as best as she could, but it was getting harder with every passing minute that Ian stayed quiet, trying to delay the news he knew was coming.  
  
“An accident? He’s okay, right?”  
  
The silence on the other end of the line was nauseating. It was too fucking loud and too fucking quiet at the same. His heart felt like it was gonna beat out of his chest as his eyes welled up with hot tears. “Tell me he’s fucking okay!” Ian suddenly shouted into the phone, making Lip jump off the other bed and come over to him hesitantly.  
  
Lip knew.  
  
So did Carl, but he had no idea how to help. What were you supposed to do when your brother’s boyfriend dies? There wasn't any possible way to comfort him. Not right now.  
  
“Ian… I’m sorry.” Mandy said quietly. She sounded as if she had been crying for hours, voice hoarse and nearly gone. Ian wanted it to be gone. He didn’t want to hear this.  
  
“He gave me your number a while ago. Told me to let you know if anything happened to him — he’s gone, Ian.” Mandy was full out crying again, words being muffled, but just enough that Ian could still make them out. “They were coming back from a mission and… they hit an IED.”  
  
The last time Ian spoke to Mickey was right before he left.  
  
And now he’s gone.  
  
Ian stared blankly at the wall, barely even registering her words. Body shivering from either the cold weather, or the cold sensation that ran throughout his body.  
  
“Ian? Can you hear me?”  
  
Mandy’s voice on the line broke Ian’s stare and he blinked the tears away, getting out of bed. His chest was heavy and he needed to get out of there. He couldn’t deal with this.  
  
"I-I have to go.” He told her quickly and hung up, shoving the phone into his hoodie pocket, throwing on some jeans and left. Lip and Carl were both following right behind him, struggling to put on clothes as they stumbled out into the hallway.  
  
“Ian, just wait for us, we should come with you.” Carl offered up, making Fiona peek out from her door. All she saw was a distraught Ian and a desperate Lip and Carl, giving her flashbacks to last year.  
  
“What’s going on?”  
  
Lip ignored her and followed Ian out of the front door, leaving Carl with Fiona.  
  
“Mickey died.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ian was running. He was running in the full blown snow storm, not caring about the sting of his cheeks or the definite hypothermia he was bound to get from wearing his chucks in inches and inches of freezing snow.  
  
His entire life has been a joke. The way he grew up, his fucking disease, every relationship he’s ever been in... everything.  
  
Except Mickey.  
  
Mickey was the one good thing in his life and Ian felt like he couldn't breathe. He was wheezing harshly, nearly falling over as he stopped to try and catch his breath. The el tracks just above him were loud and noisy, but Ian could still hear Mandy’s words as clear as day.  
  
Lip had finally caught up with Ian, pulling him over into a hug. “I cant breathe, Lip.” Ian shook his head, not wanting to cry over this just yet. There was a chance Mandy was wrong. There had to be. Maybe he was just hurt in the explosion.  
  
Anything, but dead.  
  
“It’s gonna be okay, let’s get you inside, yeah? Wont do any good if you get sick.” Lip rubbed over his back, watching his little brother completely fall apart.  
  
“Maybe he’s fine, maybe Mandy was told wrong. That happens sometimes.” Ian took a deep breath, clinging onto Lip for dear life.  
  
Lip stayed quiet. He didn’t want to give Ian false hope. There was a chance, but Lip knew it was unlikely.  
  
“Let’s go, Ian.”  
  
The rest of the walk was quiet. What was there to say? Ian was in denial, he was not only clinging onto Lip, but also his phone in case Mickey messages him.  
  
It made Lip regret not talking Ian out of doing the pen-pal program. He knew this would happen. He knew that if Ian fell for the guy that something would go wrong. They were Southside, they weren't ever going to be truly happy. Life was pre-made difficult for them, it was irrevocable — just like Ian’s feelings for Mickey.  
  
He could tell over the last few months since they met that Ian was happier. It was nice to see, but that nagging feeling Lip got every time Ian would talk about Mickey with such an irreversible love in his eye had come true.  
  
The source of his brother’s newfound feeling of normalcy once again, had vanished.  
  
Had been killed.  
  
And Lip wasn't sure how to make it happen, but he knew the sooner Ian accepted it, the better off he’ll be.  
  
  
  
Ian got back in bed the second they got home. He was curled up under the blankets with his phone in hand. “He’ll message me, Lip. Mandy was wrong.” Was all Ian had to say for hours. Nobody knew how to talk to him, how to tell him that Mickey was gone, so they just quietly went about their day. Ian was so sure that Mickey was okay, that he even paused on holding the phone to take his meds.  
  
“You okay?” Fiona asked as she watched Ian drink them down, standing in front of her in the kitchen where she was going over bills.  
  
“Yeah, waiting to hear from Mickey so this whole thing can be cleared up.”  
  
Fiona sadly watched Ian go back up the stairs, remembering how terrible he looked earlier. During the time he and Lip were gone and the time he came back to the house, Ian’s mind has convinced him that Mickey was okay, that he wasn’t dead.  
  
She was gonna have to be there for him when he finally realizes that this wasn't a misunderstanding.  
  
None of them had ever lost anyone like this before. She wasn't sure how to approach it, but she knew she had to do something.  
  
Especially when Ian was still holding onto his phone the next day.  
  
“Nice to see you down here for breakfast.” Fiona commented, seeing Ian scarf his eggs down without looking up from his phone.  
  
“What? Oh, yeah, Mickey wouldn’t want me to believe this so I'm trying to go back to normal so when I hear from him I can say I knew it wasn’t true.” Ian shrugged.  
  
Fiona shared a look with Debbie, who was sitting at the table with Ian, telling her to leave for a moment.  
  
When they were alone, Fiona went over and sat next to Ian. “Sweetie… Mickey isn't gonna message you. Do you know why?”  
  
“Why wouldn’t he? He hasn’t even opened my Christmas present yet. He doesn’t know I love him, he has to message me when he does. He wouldn’t leave me like that.”  
  
Fiona’s eyes grew full of tears as she took Ian’s hand. “He knows you love him, Ian. I’m sure he knew, how could he not? He made you so happy, there’s no way he didn’t know.” She grabbed the phone with her other hand and sat it on the table, taking that hand into her own, too. “Look at me.”  
  
Ian hesitantly looked up at her and it was like his mind had suddenly cleared when he saw the tears on Fiona’s face. The colors in the room were duller, just like the happiness he once felt in his chest was. He couldn’t feel it anymore.  
  
“Mickey’s gone, Ian. He isn't coming back.”  
  
Ian pulled his hands away from Fiona, but she kept her grip on them. “You have got to stop telling yourself he's okay, you're going to hurt more if you do. I’m trying to help you, Ian, you have got to listen to me. Mickey is dead.”  
  
The words caused a flow of tears to spill out onto Ian’s face, sobbing hysterically, his whole body shaking as he let out everything he had been holding back. He just kept going and going and going until he had nothing left.  
  
Until his cell phone rang.  
  
Fiona answered for him, finding out it was Mickey’s sister with the funeral information. They were having it in Chicago so she was about to leave to board a flight.  
  
“Please tell Ian I need him there at the funeral. Mickey needs him there.”  
  
“I will.” Fiona nodded, watching her brothers red, swollen eyes start to build up more tears.  
  
  
  
Ian didn’t do anything except lay in bed until the funeral. It was Christmas Eve and all Ian could think about is how Mickey deserved better. He deserved to die of old age, not a bomb. He deserved to be buried on a day that wont haunt his loved ones for the rest of their lives. Having to bury a loved one on Christmas Eve? What a happy holiday.  
  
In a black suit, Ian stepped out of the car with Fiona and the rest of the Gallaghers. At first, Ian didn’t want them to come, but he knew Mickey would want them there. It’s the closest Ian will ever get to Mickey meeting his family.  
  
The viewing was held inside a chapel where a large photo of Mickey smiling brightly was posted on one side of the coffin, and one of him in his military uniform on the other side. Behind was an American flag displayed across the wall, then another laid across the bottom half of the coffin with the top half open.  
  
It was empty, Ian noticed, when he stepped up to it alone.  
  
It meant that his body wasn't found, or was too mangled to be put into a coffin.  
  
“You can put something in there if you want.” A soft voice said from behind him. Ian turned around to see a pale woman with blonde hair like Mickey’s.  
  
Mandy.  
  
He turned back to the empty coffin and pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket and opened it up, setting it inside and taking off his old rotc dog tags from around his neck to place on top of the paper.  
  
Mandy stepped up beside him and took Ian’s hand in her own, staring down at the note — _I love you_.  
  
“He loved you too, you know. He told me.” Mandy looked up at him with glassy eyes, squeezing his hand for comfort.  
  
_“Mickey, what do you mean you met someone? Why are you just now telling me?” Mickey laughed at his sister over Skype, picking up a photo of Ian that he had printed out. “His name's Ian. Was my pen-pal guy that the army had set up. Said he was getting me something for Christmas, too. Never gotten a Christmas present before.”_  
  
_Mandy smiled, seeing her brother glow just by talking about Ian. She hadn't ever seen him like this before. He looked… in love, actually.  
  
“Did you get him anything?”  
  
“Well, I made him a video. Thought it would kinda cooler than a regular gift. He can have it forever, you know? Not like a card that will end up lost or thrown away, or something that could break in the mail.”_  
  
Ian nodded at Mandy and smiled a little, wiping his face with his free hand. “I loved him. God, I loved him. I still love him. Think I always will.”  
  
Mandy let a tear fall as she leaned her head on Ian’s shoulder, “I’ve never seen Mickey as happy as you made him. You changed his life, Ian. He may not be here, but I know he wouldn’t regret joining the army… cause he met you.”  
  
  
At the cemetery, Ian stood with Mandy and the rest of Mickey’s family, holding onto her hand as the military band played in honor of their fallen solider. Mickey’s coffin was now closed and a folded up flag was placed on top of it, flowers scattered over it.  
  
A man in a uniform approached the Milkovich family and asked which of then wanted to be the one to pour the dirt onto the coffin when it was lowered.  
  
“I think Ian should.” Mandy said and looked over at her brothers. “Mickey loved him, this is what he would want.”  
  
Ultimately, they agreed. Ian was led over to the coffin by an army official.  
  
“I’m sorry for your loss, son. I knew Mickey, he was a great man. Served his country well. He wont be forgotten.”  
  
Ian just looked over at the man and didn’t really know what to say. Of course Mickey wont be forgotten, how could Ian ever forget him? His life didn’t make sense until he met Mickey. He was the best part of Ian’s entire existence.  
  
Ian picked up a handful of dirt that was dug out to make room for the coffin and let it fall out of his hand over the lowered piece of wood. The sprinkled soil fell as quickly as Ian’s tears did.  
  
This was goodbye.  
  
  
  
  
Ian slept pretty much all day after the funeral and woke up early then next day. He was the only one awake that Christmas morning. Everyone else had stayed up late talking about how to care for Ian. Nobody even had to tell him, but he just knew that’s what they were doing last night. He knew they were worried. A major loss like this can really fuck with his disease even if he was on medication. Ian didn’t even feel like taking it when he woke up. He was just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. The world felt heavy. He felt as if he had no purpose in life anymore.  
  
What was he supposed to do now that Mickey wasn't ever coming back?  
  
Ian flipped through their messages and stopped suddenly when he came across Mickey’s Christmas one.  
  
**_‘Don’t open it until Christmas.’_**  
  
Ian sat up and opened up his laptop, signing into his email and seeing an unread one from Mickey.  
  
The attachment inside was a video and even if Ian wasn't ready to watch it, he clicked play anyways.  
  
  
_Mickey was sat on his bed, laptop in his lap as the camera started filming. “Um, I’m not really sure how to start this. I’ve never made a video like this before and I really don’t wanna fuck it up.” He laughed._  
  
Ian felt a sharp pain glide through his heart.  
  
_“All I know is that I wanna be with you,_ _Ian. I’ve never really had someone like you before. You ask me how my day's going and you send me stupid selfies of you at work, tongue sticking out, and they make me so fucking happy. I save every one of them and I look at them all the time. Even have you as my lock screen.” Mickey blushes in the video, pulling out his phone and holding it up to the camera. It was a selfie Ian had sent Mickey before work one day. He was flipping off the camera and Mickey loved it. It was his favorite picture out of all the ones Ian had ever sent him, including the dick ones. “Cheesy, I know, but I like looking at it. Makes me feel closer to you, I don’t know.”_  
  
Ian took in a deep breath as he touched the screen, seeing Mickey smile again.  
  
_“You're what makes it easy to wake up in the mornings. Talking to you is the best part of my day, Ian, I don’t think you realize how happy I am that I’ve gotten to meet you. You being in the pen-pal program is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I come back, we're gonna be a real couple. Never done any of that couple shit before, but with you I want to. I want the whole thing Ian Gallagher. You don’t gotta say it back, but.. I love you. See you soon.”_  
  
Fate has a funny way of working out.


End file.
